Integrity, Financial Power, & Becoming Grounded

"To increase our financial power means to increase our capacity to create conditions of satisfaction for others and to elicit promises from others to provide us with our conditions of satisfaction in calculable social exchange. To increase our capacity to create conditions of satisfaction for others means to increasingly tune-in to the creative thrust for evolutionary optimization within and without . To increase our capacity to elicit promises from others means to increase our capacity to make requests of others, which means to increase our capacity to fulfill our own promises, therefore to increase the degree of our integrity in calculable social exchange. When we can collectively attain a high degree of finnacial power through the practice of integrity in economic production and social exchange, we will be able to create a world of abundance in the universe of plenitude. In such a world, there will no longer be such an oxymoron as unearned wealth, which is in actual fact 'wealth drainage' that has plagued and subverted the world throughout history."
Yasuhiko Genku Kimura

Lately I've become very interested in facing my edge as a man, and deeply committed and interested in changing and evolving. That's easy to say and another thing to really do. I just finished up a Evolutionary Enlightenment class with Andrew Cohen's senior students and have been to a retreat with Andrew. I appreciate where he is coming from. I also understand the controversy surrounding him and have friends that don't like him. Oh well, I don't agree with everything he's saying either, but I do think there is some deep value in his transmission (sometimes it fries my circuits with some serious intensity).

I am also quite attracted to the idea of "being moved." What I mean is, I like the idea of Spirit moving me & trusting that direction. The Freedom that has graced me came about through a combination of energy and effort expended and then a complete relinquishment of all endeavor and a "fall" into Self. I have a deep trust in this process. I trust so much that I can freely doubt. Fucking Paradox! All that has occurred was completely necessary and beautiful. Here though, at the edge, I have to be willing to release all ideas and fall/move into the next moment with the utter creativity of God. She needs Us.

From a surface perspective, I have a lot of faults. I have tended to vacillate between periods of high productivity and intensity to utter laziness and self-indulgence. I can be impulsive, intense, and lack discipline when it comes to money. I can also be very structured, disciplined, and stable.

At this stage I can feel my discomfort and unknowing about what is to come next. I don't choose to believe in a final resting place ( at least not in the world of form), and yet simultaneously I am the Great Immovable. Which do I choose to emphasize? Neither. Until maybe I do. All possibility is possible. And even this understanding I can not ultimately take a stand in. And yet I do.

The Great Wide Open. I welcome the Next Whatever. May She move US. Amen.

True Joy & Love Unbound

Artwork by A. Andrew Gonzalez ( www.sublimatrix.com )

Touching everything.

Every inch explored.

Every secret corner.

Every opening.

Euphoria.

Passes into death.

& dissolves in my Heart.

Dark Nights, Tantric Dynamics, the Anatomy of Emotions & Just What the Fuck is Going On?

Artwork by A. Andrew Gonzalez ( www.sublimatrix.com )



Every instant teaches us everything if we have the Heart to listen. And even if we don't it teaches us anyways. The Great Perfection has dawned in this body-mind. Everything has gone wrong in the last two days and in my life in general & it has been exactly what I have needed to evolve. I've been depressed most of my God-given life. Over the last few years of spiritual seeking and the dissolution of spiritual seeking over the last two years, I have learned to relax as Witness and allow the energies of depression to float through me. Through Integral Practice and psychotherapy I have discovered that the apparent depression was my true anger, its energy turned inward. The energy of this anger, now released is now pulsing through my body with such force now that it is freed. The Ma Shakti (Kundalini) has been gradually increasing for the last three years. Emotion plays a big role in the understanding of these energies, both positive and negative. My life has been one of extremes and experiencing polar opposites in order to transcend them. I begin to see others in new ways, energy patterns of emotions that play out between people. Relationships are so fascinating, and we understand so little about who we are. What is this Us? How have we created our view of the world, imagining we are looking through a body encapsulated ego? Thank God for these forces that mold us and shape us. I am forged by the flames of my Ma. She has cut me into a million pieces. I rise to her test. She is my Heartbeat. The violent forces of the earth allowed the biosphere to emerge. There seems to be a similar violence occurring in the noosphere. What will emerge?

Friend, in the Desolate Time

Friend, in the desolate time, when your soul
is enshrouded in darkness
When, in a deep abyss, memory and feeling
die out,
Intellect timidly gropes among shadowy forms
and illusions
Heart can no longer sigh, eye is unable
to weep;
When, from your night-clouded soul the wings
of fire have fallen
And you, to nothing, afraid, feel
yourself sinking once more,
Say, who rescues you then?—Who is the
comforting angel
Brings to your innermost soul order and
beauty again,
Building once more your fragmented world,
restoring the fallen
Altar, and when it is raised, lighting
the sacred flame?-—
None but the powerful being who first from
the limitless darkness
Kissed to life seraphs and woke
numberless suns to their dance.
None but the holy Word who called the worlds
into existence
And in whose power the worlds move on
their paths to this day.
Therefore, rejoice, oh friend, and sing in
the darkness of sorrow:
Night is the mother of day, Chaos the
neighbor of God.

Erik Johan Stagnelius
Translated from the Swedish by Bill Coyle

Becoming a Man, Facing your Deepest Edge

This moment is my test. This moment is the test of my Manhood. She wants to test my boundaries to see if She can trust me fully. Will I face Her with the full force of my Love? I can talk a great game, but can I walk my talk? Or am I a liar? I must be comfortable with my discomfort. Trust is gained over a long period of time and in every moment we have the choice to stay close to our edge. Can we let go of our self-image and face what is necessary?

Everything is becoming Metaphor for me. Every moment is becoming the ultimate test. Everywhere is the Goddess. God wants to be me. Every single unfolding fractal moment is our greatest opportunity. And a Man's job is to stay right there, on the Eternal Edge.

It's easy to take flight into the subtle pleasures of the bodies currents or to rest in the Simple Feeling of Being. But can every moment transform you? Can it leave you dead & shattered? The ego strewn accross the pavement, the Pheonix rises from the ashes.

The Kosmos displays itself as my own body.

Kosmic myth & metaphor operating at every level of our being;

Physiosphere, biosphere, noosphere & the emerging theosphere.

Falling Backward down into our Collective,

Discovering ourselves,

Creating ourselves at new levels.

I lay all at my Mother's feet.

Samaya. Samaya. Samaya.

Death, Love, God & Sex in Every Moment Right Where You Are

"There are no priviledged locations. If you stay put, your place may become a holy center, not because it gives you a special access to the divine, but because in your stillness you hear what might be heard anywhere. All there is to see can be seen from anywhere in the universe, if you know how to look."
Scott Russell Sanders

"For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them. But they fear it as if they know quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?"
Socrates

"Happiness is to sacrifice yourself to infinity, to always die wide open as love, holding onto nothing, giving yourself to everyone as if they were God, because they are God. Surrender as if you were dying right now, and find out what is left. Feel as deep and as wide as you can, until all you feel is feeling itself, and live open as feeling, alive as everyone and everything, no matter how horrible or beautiful the world seems."
Mykonos

As this moment arises in my awareness,

We are the edge of this fractal unfolding,

Awakening to the fact that we are the whole shebang.

Right here.

Right now.

All is still.

& its moving faster than the speed of light.

Grab your Heart-Board,

& surf that mother-fucker.

Then forget the wave,

Forget the board,

& become Surf.

A Tantric Shamanic Initiation, I Found my Heart in New York City (Read : The Pits of Hell)

The Title says it all. Thought I had more to say and I do, but I am just so fucking happy that I want to go kiss the buildings (& the people in them). Damn, how do I describe this Peace beyond peace? It's so simple and obvious. Yeah, yeah I know you heard that before, but yeah its true. It's fresh and well, I'll get more poetic at another time. I do have more to say about contextual enlightenment & some of the visions I've been having but, I got stuff to do and money to make.

Shadow Boxing and Hugging, Mistaking the Moon for the Finger Pointing

Falling into the Heart means exploding out into all of life and existence as this particular bodymind with all of its faults and foibles. How wonderful. E Ma Ho. When awareness crystallizes and energy is released it circulates through the psychophysical organism & dives into its depths and secrets revealing Her ever deepening grandeur & Mystery. It is amazing how much energy is tied up with the "Whole System" for it can't be said to be just a body or just a mind but and interacting continuum that is both timeless and freshly emergent. Fundamental Wellness gets established and then one is free to explore all the dark corners, all the fear, all the anger, and all the spots we use our creative energy to divert and create boundaries & can then clobber ourselves. How crazy! How fascinating! For it is this very creativity that brings forth the world that we inhabit and creates our very condition and its evolution. SHE is spreading like an inferno across the Kosmos, awakening us all. She is unstoppable.

From Robert Augustus Masters
This silken glide
This succulent ride
This ecstatic dying
This joy beyond trying
This melting mutuality
This wild commonality
This rupturing rapture
This which no words can capture
This pleasure beyond pleasure
This depth none can measure
This is the heartland of bliss
This is Eternity’s naked kiss
This the art
That cannot be framed
This the beauty
That cannot be named
This the love
That cannot be contained